My friend Ben passed away a year ago...maybe it was 2. Anyway, I had a lot of unfinished business because of stupid decisions in life. Well I had always wanted to tell Ben and his wife, I was sorry for my decisions...one night I laid in my bed praying, I was in a room with them and apologized...Ben just nodded...then after he passed away I was like "Okay, am I forgiven?" and I was praying and I heard Ben say "It's okay. No worries anymore."
Well still not being convinced though my therapist (a DEVOUT Christian woman) knew it was God's way of saying "You're forgiven...move on" I continued to question and want to know I was forgiven...So one night as I lay on my couch in tears I closed by eyes for what seemed like an hour (which was really mere seconds)...and I was surrounded in WHITE...the whitest white I have ever seen.
I saw three men standing in to my side, and as I turned toward them, I knew one was Ben, but I couldnt' realy make out the other two...except that one had a beard and a crown (a Prince's crown)...I ran straight way into Ben's arms and apologized profusely and Ben said "Stop worrying about this, you are forgiven." Then I looked at the man beside Ben and I knew immediately it was Jesus...I just started crying, standing in awe of him and he smiled at me. After he smiled I moved to the next man...
This man had the BLUEST eyes you'll ever see...they are so blue that they are clear...I knew immediately this was God the Father. I knew it because he could see into the very depths of my soul...and I driven to my knees...I woke up, tears streaming down my cheeks...and out loud, I said "My Savior smiled at me." My mom came into the room, you okay? I heard you crying...
yeah, mam, I am fine." I remember closing my eyes at 11:00 pm, when I opened them it was still 11:00 on my clock...what I thought had been an hour was only mere seconds...
29 June 2008
26 June 2008
Wounding, but faithful
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Proverbs 27:6 (NIV)
A more modern version of the above scripture says "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy's kisses are deceitful." Both are painful to endure. Recently, today as a matter of fact, someone I consider a friend got married. I expected to receive an invitation at the very least because I had created a reality that wasn't reality. You see I thought the person getting married was a closer friend than she was. Am I mad at them? No. Why be? I am hurt though.However as the scripture says "Faitful are the wounds of a friend." I needed to know that I wasn't "close enough" to get an invitation to the wedding. It's not because I wasn't "good enough", or that I was dejected and rejected. More that I am an aquaintince and that is much more different than a friend. Though I am wounded as a person, I know that this person a dear sister in Christ hasn't done so intentionally...matter of fact, I am sure she has no idea that I am wounded. The enemy though is different. His/Her kisses, false pretenses of friendship only serve to shut you down. They are used to drive walls between you and God, you and your fellow Christians, you and whoever you have a relationship with.So how do we overcome the hurts and disappointments that come to us from friends and enemies. Prayer. Usually I will sit down, have a word or two with God...and leave it in His hands. With the wedding though, I have been trying to figure out if I should or how I can tell my sister I am hurt. Ultimately it's not going to make a difference if my sister knows...But with it in God's hands I can start the process of healing. And healing is the process we want to take more seriously than the petty pot-shots that Satan, our true advesary sends our way.
A more modern version of the above scripture says "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy's kisses are deceitful." Both are painful to endure. Recently, today as a matter of fact, someone I consider a friend got married. I expected to receive an invitation at the very least because I had created a reality that wasn't reality. You see I thought the person getting married was a closer friend than she was. Am I mad at them? No. Why be? I am hurt though.However as the scripture says "Faitful are the wounds of a friend." I needed to know that I wasn't "close enough" to get an invitation to the wedding. It's not because I wasn't "good enough", or that I was dejected and rejected. More that I am an aquaintince and that is much more different than a friend. Though I am wounded as a person, I know that this person a dear sister in Christ hasn't done so intentionally...matter of fact, I am sure she has no idea that I am wounded. The enemy though is different. His/Her kisses, false pretenses of friendship only serve to shut you down. They are used to drive walls between you and God, you and your fellow Christians, you and whoever you have a relationship with.So how do we overcome the hurts and disappointments that come to us from friends and enemies. Prayer. Usually I will sit down, have a word or two with God...and leave it in His hands. With the wedding though, I have been trying to figure out if I should or how I can tell my sister I am hurt. Ultimately it's not going to make a difference if my sister knows...But with it in God's hands I can start the process of healing. And healing is the process we want to take more seriously than the petty pot-shots that Satan, our true advesary sends our way.
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